The baby is due in a week (ahhhhhh) and I have not shared any updates on the blog since announcing that he is a BOY! On Instagram, I share my bump pretty frequently, but it is quiet over here. I got maternity photos with Mother & Child Co., a photography and stylist company specializing in sweet Momma and baby photos! In this case, I wanted a milk bath maternity shoot, which we did, but the photos are SO revealing, so I am only sharing one at the end because I do not want it all over web haha, so you get just me and photos of Nick & I!
The pregnancy itself has been a breeze! Colette (my 2nd pregnancy) we had a complication, so it was a high risk pregnancy and extremely stressful. I was at the doctor’s all the time and in the hospital. Thankfully it ended well and she is a healthy baby girl. That experience though gave me the perspective to enjoy the quietness of this pregnancy. I was in awe with how little I had to see doctor and every time I left the doctor it was with good news. I tried to concentrate on the gratitude and enjoyed the little annoyances of peeing a lot, giving up sushi and wine, etc… I truly recognized how tiny those annoyances were & enjoyed complaining about them with a smirk on my face.
So, yes, I have sciatica, lightening crotch, would LOVEEeee to be in normal clothes again, but the pregnancy has been pretty non-dramatic and it being my third, I was so busy chasing the other two around, it went very fast.
Pregnancy & Depression:
I was not sure if I would include this update, but since I have shared my depression on here and on Instagram stories, I have heard from a lot of you and if being open and honest about my struggle helps anyone, then it is worth the scary open plunge!
Anyhoo, pregnancy & depression= Not fun. Haha. Quick summary from what I have shared in past- mom’s unexpected death last June- followed by a severe trauma in February. Collapsed into my worst episode of depression (which I already had but I became non-functional for a bit) Therapy ensued. Started meds, meds did not work. Surprise- pregnant! Got off meds.
The medicine did not seem to be working, so I did not think it was worth any risk to baby. About 6 months into pregnancy, we considered meds again, as I was not doing well. My therapists agreed it was worth a shot because I was now a few months past the trauma. Medicines are not a cure all and after my experiences, “anyone” would be depressed/sad, so they were unsure if the medicine did not work because of the nature of the experiences or if bio-medically it was not a fit, or some combo of both. I did genetic testing to see what meds may be more efficient for me. Unfortunately, the results came back with medications that are not allowed in pregnancy or nursing. I had no choice but to remain unmedicated.
So, what have I done? I have seen 4 therapists and maintain 3 of them. Tried EMDR therapy, aromatherapy, light therapy, neuro-feedback… I maintain a healthy diet and working out. It is difficult. I worry about what the depression and trauma have done to the baby (and my girls!). I try my best to keep my head above water. I’ve made a lot of progress cognitively since February, I have been back to work for months, I have more good days than bad and hope the end of pregnancy will help with some of the hormonal mood.
My biggest hope is that one day (the sooner the better 😉 , I will have experienced a lot of positive growth from these trials and end up being a better Mom, wife and human. Positivity is very hard with depression- hopelessness and despair are the overwhelming emotions. Post traumatic growth focuses not just on resilience but THRIVING after trauma, which is what I would rather do.
I am at risk, but I now have therapists (unlike when I had PPD after Colette & had no idea something was wrong with me…) and IF a problem arises, I can be treated right away. I recognize this treatment may include getting on the medication and giving up nursing and I am working on the mental & emotional hurdle that will come with that. I am concentrating on my overall health being what is best for ALL of the kids and Nick & I. The best case scenario would be I do not experience postpartum depression, it is not a guarantee I will get it as I did after Colette’s pregnancy.
Other, not depressing Baby stuff!!
No name yet!! We have a couple options but cannot decide!
Also, on Instagram I get a lot of questions about what I am wearing while pregnant, unfortunately, I could not get a photo shoot in and now that I am 39 weeks along, I am down to some leggings and a couple long tanks, so there is not much to share! I plan to do an after baby post with my maternity choices though!
And here is one milk bath shot!
Local to Arizona? Be sure to check out the amazing photographer and stylist and makeup artist:
Mother & Child Co.
Styling: The Love Designed Life