Welcome!

I love reading birth stories and I never wrote any of mine down, so I finally took the step!  Cole was my easiest labor- 11.5 hours.  Kalia was 36 and Colette was 24, when I knew Cole was coming close at around hour 10, I thought it would be cool if he was 12 (and easy to remember) but he came just 30 minutes shy of that and I AM TOTALLY FINE WITH THAT.

I was over due 3 days and I was pretty miserable.  I was getting very little to no sleep and my body just hurt, I was ready to give birth. Around 8-9 pm on Feb 1st, I had a few contractions. The contractions were not very strong or consistent but I was sure he would be coming soon (I guess round 3 of baby, I finally understood a bit!) Nick decided to try and get some sleep and I watched tv because I wanted to stay distracted and knew I could not sleep with the random contractions occurring.  At around 10-11pm, I was feeling very sleepy and the contractions had taken a break, so I hit the hay.  I was so lucky to get about 4 hours of sleep before I woke with contractions- and they were BIG.  I knew this was it but tracked the timing and made sure they were regular for an hour before having my sister in law come over and watch the girls.  (Thank you to my SIL who had to head over about 1AM)

The girls heard my screaming and woke up (lol, I wish I had a less dramatic way of saying that but contractions hurt…) The girls were freaked out and in between contractions I told them I was fine and the baby was coming and it was a good thing but it did hurt a bit.  I then would calmly leave the room and scream into a pillow during a contraction, come back in and tell them I was fine while simultaneously giving Nick side eye to get our shit together and lets get out out of the house.

We arrived to the hospital and I had moments of flashbacks and panic.  I had prepped a lot for labor with my therapist (I have depression & trauma that I was concerned would be brought to surface) but I did not prep for hospital flashbacks from losing my mother.  I was brought in and going down the hall in a wheelchair and I had terrible flashbacks of being at the hospital with my Mom before she died.  I was taken aback as I had not prepped for this and was not expecting it. Nick at the time was doing paperwork or something, but he wasnt there for the first few minutes and when he came into room, I told him I was starting to panic- I didnt expect my Mom’s death to hit me, I had prepped for my other trauma,  I cant do this (ha, like i had a choice!) blahblah, essentially going a bit nuts. But contractions would hit, a contraction would come and I would be in immense physical pain and then resume to panicking in emotional pain. Good times! I could not get an epidural until I was in my assigned room but miraculously, Nick calmed me down.  I dont remember what he said, but it was all the right things and he returned my focus to the present- In labor, with my husband by my side and about to have our baby.

We finally (it was probably only 20 minutes) got to my room and I could be given an epidural.  I wanted it right away, after my 36 hour labor with Kalia, I had gone about 20 hours or so with no epidural and I was never, ever doing that again.  As I was about to get the epidural, as in the needle was literally about to go in my back, a nurse was holding me up and another contraction hit and I passed out.  (I only know this from Nick) Nick said the nurse was yelling at me to stay still and straight up and they kept yelling at me and Nick saw that I had passed out (and the nurse did not)- he then yelled at them, “she passed out!” and alarms went off and I woke up lying in the hospital bed with a TON of people around me.  I was utterly confused and had NO idea where I was.  In my head, I thought “Why did I drink so much?  Why is the room spinning?” Followed immediately by the thought, ” Wait, I dont drink, Im pregnant?”  The nurses started to tell me where I was and I heard Nick and snapped back into reality.  Finally, I was able to get the epidural and the pain stopped.  Phew.  And the wait began.

Just like my other two babies, I stopped progressing.  I reached maybe 5-7 centimeters (my numbers in this whole story are probably way off 😉 and just stayed that way for Hourssssss.  Nick & I figured number 3 was another long haul and he began to do some work and I was not in any pain and content to text with friends while waiting interspersed with long convos with Nick- without the girls around we actually had a lot of uninterrupted talk time which is rare these days.

Eventually, my obgyn told the nurse to start me on pitocin (if I agreed).  I hesitated, I was given pitocin with my first after a day of labor and it still took another 12 hours.  My second I was induced early due to a complication and she took 24 hours. Needless to say Nick & I had no faith in pitocin and I wanted ONE, just ONE baby to come in its time.  My obgyn has a straight talk attitude and I asked her advice and she broke my options down for me and I chose to be induced.  And, you know what? Pitocin finally worked the way it should and I was ready to give birth soon after!!  Not 12 hours later, not 24 hours but within the hour!

very tired and happy

I pushed only a couple times and I was the one who got to grab him after pushing him out, and I looked at him and looked at Nick and I was in tears.  Nick & I locked eyes and without saying anything we knew this was all worth everything.  Nick and I had just been thru what hopefully was the most tumultuous (no more please!) 2 years of our life together of 20 years and we made it and now had this beautiful baby boy.  Since that day, we look around at our little family and it feels complete.  Cole was a surprise, not that we had written off having a 3rd kid, but he came to us at an unplanned time and place in our lives.  But, there is a greater plan than ours and He knew Cole would complete us and help us on our healing journey.

The first 8 days after I had Cole were some truly joyous moments, my depression was at bay for the first time in a long time.  I truly almost forgot what it was like to be happy/content all the time, the fog of depression lifted for that brief period and I have to remember that is what my life can be like again.  Depression is still ebbing and flowing but now that I am not pregnant, I get longer “normal” periods although my low days seem particularly low.  Cole comes along with me to the therapist each week as we stay on top of any signs of postpartum depression and consider medication.  I want to nurse Cole for as long as I can, so it is my hope I can stay unmedicated.  Cole is wonderful medicine and my smiles and big laughs return when I am with him.  He is worth the journey.

8.9 POUNDS!! and 21.5 inches <3