I Speak With A Bad French Accent & Other Things I Have Learned Since Becoming A Mom

An ongoing feature on the blog will be lessons I have learned about myself since becoming a mother.  I hope you enjoy the first batch!

1)  If my baby is napping and-  
A UPS guy bangs on my door,  a dog barks (usually mine),  telephone rings, or any miscellaneous outside noise occurs– I react with an all consuming, intense anger I did not know I was capable of having.
Picture The Hulk- but 5 foot 4, not green and I keep my shirt on.

I totally would rock purple pants though

2) From angry Hulk to a puddly wuss of emotions
Since giving birth, I cry. Easily.  I am hoping it is hormones since I am still nursing, but other Moms tell me it is here for the long haul.  Not that I was a pillar of strength before- I cried when watching a sad movie, anytime the Sarah Mclachlan ASPCA commercial came on tv (Please STOP playing that commercial)  and other reasonable scenarios where crying was appropriate.
Fast forward to birth of my daughter…
– Songs on the radio- Pink’s song Perfect- one look at Kalia and I cried my eyes out.
– Kalia farts and then laughs- I cry (and giggle a bit).

An Infantry Army wife for 8 years with stories that would and should make others cry, now I cry because of a baby fart.  Oh, how my past Army wife self would slap me.

3) Worry– I am not that much of a worrier- I normally worry when there is something to actually be worried about and try not to make up crazy scenarios in my head.

Then I became a Mom.  I still am fairly relaxed for a first time mother (so I am told- probably by kind, lying friends) but I worry much more than I ever did.  And worry begets worry.

Example- My daughter refused to eat new foods- purrees, chunks, veggies, fruits, etc!!
I envisioned myself nursing a teenager.  Then, after a 3 month effort, she- without reason, started eating carrots without spitting them back up.  Awesome! Yeay! Celebration!

The celebratory feelings lasted a short time-  Now it has been a few weeks and carrots are the only thing she will eat!  Mental image of nursing a teenager is now replaced with image of an Oompa Loompa orange baby girl. Sweet.

Seriously! Scary orange baby!

4) Two hands are not enough, but my teeth make a great third.  Don’t tell my dentist (who I no longer have the time to see anyways) but I carry stuff with my teeth all the time now! Baby, purse, keys, cell phone, sunglasses, reusable totes, baby toy, dry cleaning have all been at one time or another carried to the car by my mouth.  Well, all except the baby of course, although that would be extremely helpful if it was at all possible.

5) I occasionally speak with a BAD French accent and think it is hilariously funny… This is more along my blog post on Secret Mom Behaviors- Embarrassing Things We do Only Around our Kids.  However, I forgot all about this quirky behavior (cuz there are SO many) and would like to include it here.

Every time I feed Kalia her solids (3 times a day) I say all snort, huff french-haughty-like while putting on her bib- “Mademoiselle, are you ready to enjoy your (freaking) carrots”   I swear, if Kalia could roll her eyes- she would.

The look I am going for when feeding her

What have you learned?

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  1. Oh hell, I used to cry when my `brother in law` farts in a fan while watching the football game.
    And I`m sure your husband can make you cry with his farts. 🙂

  2. Cathy says:

    I took my 14 month old grandson to get pictures and had to carry enough luggage to make an airport security person cringe. LOL Love your descriptions.

    • Laurel says:

      Oh, Photoshoots, lol, I could have an entire blog series on the photoshoots. I make a deposit to her future psych bill each time 🙂

  3. Jen says:

    je parla petite en francias – however that does not stop me from whipping out a french accent whenever I feel the situation warrants it. I visited my grandmother who had moved out of state a few years back and realized while watching that part of the family interact that they did it too – it's hereditary! And very comforting. You are passing on your own wacky legacy.

  4. Tracy says:

    I cry because of baby farts was the best line in the whole post! I totally laughed when I read that. And I know exactly what you mean with that ASPCA commercial – why do they keep upsetting all the moms with that?
    Great post 🙂

  5. I have learned that no matter what you think you know about motherhood there is this little human being who is their own person and what a variable that is! I do remember the hulk days and that made me giggle. I have always thought that being a mom brings out my silly side!! It's amazing, crazy and fun isn't it!!! -LV

  6. You sound totally normal! It will all ease up a little bit; keep writing and take care of those teeth!

    • Laurel says:

      Thank you Louise, I really DO need to make an appointment for the dentist. But it is between that and my roots, I think I will get my hair done first!

  7. Mirjam says:

    Stick with the french accent, your kid will think it's hilariously funny too!
    But do know when to stop, there is that age where you will get an eye roll for doing that.

  8. Gia says:

    Hahhaha these are all great lessons. I imagine the first one would make me black out with rage, too.

  9. it is so wrong to say it but i HATE that aspca commercial because it makes me BAWL and i'm seventeen months past giving birth! i cry at usaa commercials, too…

    • Laurel says:

      USAA, what do they do? I cant' watch Army wives, Coming Home or any of that stuff! (but that was cuz military, cannot blame that on Mommy hormones!)

  10. Seriously, you worked a Willy Wonka reference in here? My hero. This was great, and that SPCA commercial is a form of torture. Erin

  11. Haha! Loved this. I learned that it's okay for a toddler to eat the same old foods for weeks on end. It IS indeed a phase. Or rather, they're phases. And I learn not to freak out at that. I also learned rather recently, that I'm still able to carry a 30+ pound toddler around, even 35 weeks pregnant. Go me!

  12. Laurel Smash!

    I have discovered that I have the capacity to make up more and more ridiculous song lyrics on the spot, and I will defend them as accurate until the bitter death!

  13. When you listed your baby as one of the things you've carried with your teeth I almost lost it. All I could do was imagine you carrying your baby around like a dog or cat carry around their new puppies or kittens. Also loved the worry about and picture of the Oompa Loompa.

    • Laurel says:

      Thank you so much for your comment! Seriously would be great if I could carry her around that way, I just dont have the jaw strength (cuz I have tried)

  14. Oompa loompa orange girl… you mean Snooki?

  15. The crying and the worry – totally!! Fun post!

  16. Pish Posh says:

    All of these are completely understandable 🙂

    Except wait what? French accent! Ooh la la! Zut alors! Mais oui, but tell me why! Is it like the swedish chef? Or Sebastian from Little Mermaid? I do silly accents to make kids giggle 🙂

  17. Thanks for this Laurel. The hulk reference was perfect. They all were but it was my fav. Keep it up. Love!

  18. ellysan1 says:

    A very smart Mom friend once told me that they change phases every 6 weeks. So when you think you are going to lose it just hold that thought and before you know it your onto the next phase. But definitely get your roots done.That's the type of thing you should always do for you.

  19. Sparkling says:

    And orange baby but with excellent eyesight right???

    Why is it that we always think things are funny when said with a French accent? Everyone always laughs at it- why????? Found you at finding the funny.

  20. LOVE THIS! And you would totally rock those purple pants – no doubt. 🙂 I'm pinning this to our Finding the Funny Pinterest board. Thanks for linking up!

  21. Paula Schuck says:

    Bwahahaha! Oompa Loompa orange girl made me laugh my butt off. Also we are big fans of dumb humour and silly body humour jokes. Whatever works!
    Great post!

  22. Feisty Tapas says:

    I have stuck around having a browse through your blog, I love this post! It's so true how we change when we become mothers. I was really mad just earlier when a neighbour started making lots of noise outside, my toddler was napping, you don't mess with a napping toddler!

  23. susan says:

    motivation for going to the dentist – no one expects you to DO anything but sit there while you are getting your teeth cleaned. you are baby free and dressed up. hello????

    baby farts. giggle.

  24. Ang says:

    What a great post! Visiting from from the Mommy-Brain Mixer – hope you’ll come visit me too 🙂

  25. Hi, visiting from Cassie's bloghop! Love this post!! Lol!
    I am your newest follower! Do visit me when you get a chance!

  26. I totally relate!! i am constantly on an emotional roller coaster and will cry over the dumbest things! I also am constantly holding tings in my teeth like a dog:/Stopping by from the Mommy Brain Mixer blog hop and am now your newest follower:) Hope you can come check out Crazy Mama Drama !

  27. This is too funny and SO true! I'm so happy you linked up to the Mommy-Brain Mixer, friend! I definitely hope to see you again next week! 🙂

  28. Everything you wrote is so true and all of the things that I have learned as a mommy. I am your newest follower stopping by from the Mommy brain mixer

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